Thanksgiving Is Ruined

The Personal is Political. The Political is Personal.

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April 03, 2009
Security at the highest levels

TiR recently may have dreamed the following story.

Early during the second presidential term of Ronald Reagan in the USA, his public relations team and media handlers were euphoric at the commanding visual appearance he displayed at the podiums of Normandy and Bitburg.

Reagan's team met and discussed how he should more regularly perform in tightly choreographed, international spectacles with military stagecraft that would culminate in an imposingly photographed speech delivered outdoors.

But during the meeting, someone on the press secretary staff voiced a worry. "All those outdoor speeches would be dangerous. What if someone takes another shot at him?"

A more experienced colleague reassured, "Don't worry. Ron will always wear his bulletproof vest while he gives his speech. Under his suit."

The particpants in the meeting were relieved. They sat in silence for a moment and pictured Reagan as he gave his speech.

But someone else mused aloud, "What if someone takes shot at his head? His bulletproof vest would not cover him there."

"That shooter would have to be a very good marksman," an older advisor rejoindered. Unhelpfully.

Everyone's eyebrows knit, somewhat. They gazed over the blank surface of the conference table and thought.

A member of the advance team spoke up. "He could wear a bulletproof helmet."

"But that would cover his hair! Everyone loves Ron's hair," an aide spluttered, leaning forward. "The hairdo makes his whole look."

Thus it was decided that Ronald Reagan in all his public appearances would wear on his head, crafted into an exactly replicated counterfeit of his universally beloved hairdo -- a bulletproof wig.